Clay Aiken – It Still Hurts My Feelings!

A few years ago,  Clay Aiken was gracious enough to answer questions from his fans on his Official Fan club.  One serious question stood out and Clays  answer was amazing.

This was the question:

I’ve gotten bullied my whole life even at times as an adult. I try to ignore people such as co workers and such but it’s not easy at all. How were you able to develop such a thick skin? Any advice?

And Clay’s wonderful answer:

As unbelievably hard as it is to do, I just learned to ignore.  I don’t think that the term “thick-skin” really applies to me.

If I pay attention to negativity, it still hurts my feelings I don’t think anyone is impervious to that type of pain.  Therefore, I found the best way to deal with it is to ignore it.

There has NEVER been a case that I have EVER seen where bullying is not a DIRECT result of the insecurities of the bully themselves.

People who are happy with themselves don’t have any reason to spend their time cutting down other people.  In almost EVERY situation, I have found that when someone is mean to someone else because of a trait they don’t care for it is because they have insecurities about themselves and want to make others feel bad for the rush of superiority it gives them.  When  you let that person affect your attitude in anyway, it gives them dominion over you…which is exactly what they want.

Ignoring is hard…REALLY hard, but one of three things will happen as a result of ignoring those who are nasty to you.

  1. They will see that they no longer affect you and they will stop.
  2. Others will see that they no longer affects you, and they will stop encouraging the bullying…or…and most powerfully…
  3. You’re ignoring will allow you to spend your time focusing on things that make you happy and make you feel good about yourself, and you honestly won’t even notice the haters anymore.

Trust me…it works!!

The title of this article should be all that needs to be said.  It’s a good reminder to every fan that when you write something negative on a public webpage it has the potential to hurt feelings.  My philosophy  is “never write something on the web that you wouldn’t say to a person  face to face!”


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  1. Clay is a very wise and intelligent man, His advice is something we can all learn from. Thanks for a great post! 🙂

  2. Musicfan..your philosophy is correct, and one that always sticks in my mind. Never say anything that you wouldn't say to someone directly. In this age of computers, twitter, I have found people will say, and do say just about anything, without thought to how it may affect someone. It's easy, cause we can just sit here at our keyboard, and say it. This is no physical/emotional connection. We do have to realize that when we say something about someone..that it could hurt them. Sometimes we do need to be reminded to be careful what we type. Bullying comes in all different forms, and we need to realize that sitting at our desk typing about someone could be bullying as well. Thanks for the reminder…we all need it.

  3. what a wonderfully wise man Clay Aiken is…. this is such a great quote!
    "People who are happy with themselves don’t have any reason to spend their time cutting down other people"

  4. In my internet posting, I have always tried to live by two rules –

    1) Don't say anything behind someone's back that you wouldn't say directly to their face; and
    2) Not everything that goes through your head has to come out your mouth

    Now, being human (at least most of the time) I don't always live up to my own standards, but I try very hard every day. Sometimes it's not a matter of what is said as much as how it is said. It's okay to have opinions, we all do and we're not all gong to think the same, but sometimes it's the way it is presented that comes across as overly negative and as bullying.

    I think Clay's life experiences helped him in the entertainment field, as he was most certainly bullied by the media from pretty much day one, and it continues to this day. A lesser man would have probably fled, but not Clay – he's made of strong stuff.

    I said in a blog comment that Clay was in my lesson plan – that is a true statement. I may not use him by name, but I use his opinions, ideas and experiences to help guide my own children and to help me when dealing with difficult situations at work.

  5. What a smart guy he is! Perfect answer. I can't begin to imagine how a celebrity, whether a singer, actor, sports figure, etc. feels when they get so many negative comments. Some people think they must have very thick skins and not affected, but as Clay said, it always hurts. It's so very hard for kids in school today to just ignore bullying. Parents must watch and question their kids about bullying, and if there's any going on, take their concerns to the school, or wherever the bullying occurs.

  6. musicfan123 – So. I thought things were going along just fine with all the continuous positive comments being posted on this site. Then whamo! Glad others also mentioned the insensitivity of that one not so nice comment which was posted in a response to yesterday's blog. I am also very pleased that your blog today addresses the need to think, and think again, before publicly disparaging another person in any form. Feeling do get hurt "for sure"! Thanks for your excellent reminder to all.

  7. Clay is most certainly a wise man and I too have learned a lot by his wise words. For example, my granddaughter is at the age that some of the kids were starting to bully her and I used the wise words of our dear Clay when I spoke to her about it. He is still a teacher, a teacher to everyone he comes in contact with. He is most certainly stronger than I ever was and wished I had had someone like him in my early lifetime to advise me along the way. Maybe I wouldn't be such an intravert or afraid to get up in front of people to speak or sing. Words hurt and they have a long lasting effect, believe me.

  8. 99.9% of those who make negative, hurtful, bullying comments about Clay would never be brave enough to say it to Clay. They are not only bullies, but bullies hiding behind their computer screen. Clay has a strong character and is a wise man. Many have a lot to learn from him.

  9. Thank you for reminding us of how important it is to think before we "type."

    Clay is a remarkable man. I think he is hurt often by fans who feel the need to tell him all about what he does wrong.

    Me??? I am so thankful that Clay still entertains us……he is talented, intelligent and lots of fun.

  10. I couldn't agree more!!
    Recently, I've had to remove myself from a situation where I felt a person was being a bit of a bully.
    It wasn't easy and it felt a bit isolating, but I know it was something that I had to do.
    Thanks for this article and for all the good work you do, musicfan.

  11. I totally agree with the last line of your blog. I hope the fans that feel the need to post negative things about Clay will read this and think before they post.

  12. Clay is such a wise articulate man! I don't think this will change any of the ex fans who really have an agenda and can only see with tunnel vision, but there will be some that it will certainly touch. Thanks for another wonderful blog. How Do you do it every day? Well, I guess Clay is a wealth of material!

  13. Clay is right…People who are happy with not find time to cut other people down. They are insecure bullies. I agree with Clay to just ignore them. You are much happier that way. I know I am.

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